Dear Diary, My Cleaning Friends Are Here

By Nick Vassilev

updated: 18/01/2023

Dear Diary,

House Window CleaningToday I realized that I am in a rut….a cleaning rut. What is a cleaning rut you ask? A cleaning rut is what I have been doing day in and day out for years and years of my life. I have become the goody two shoes housewife whose job is to dust, vacuum, sweep, mop and scrub. How did I realize I was in this rut today you may ask? I started talking to the appliances!

Yes, today I was cleaning that stubborn ring around the tub when I noticed that I was scrubbing with vigorous intensity, and started to talk to the tub. Such words came out as ‘Almost there girlfriend’, and ‘I will make that dirt come off and you will be clean and ready to go for the day!’. My vacuum is apparently a Latin man with a strong low booming voice. I determined ‘Fernando’ was doing his manly job by cleaning up the cereal that the dog had knocked over off the table this morning. ‘Vroom, Vroom’ he said, as I said ‘That’s it! Pick it all up my handsome man.’ The broom, well that is Lance who has blonde short spiky hair and is a Lifeguard. Usually, a broom would not be associated with water, but I had to sweep up the patio this morning and it was still wet from the morning dew and sprinklers. Lance did a find job at ‘saving’ all those spare leaves from the puddles of waters left around the patio.Dusting and polishing are rarely funny

Okay, so it is not all that bad to give animation to inanimate objects if you are alone is it? Well I don’t think so, until I started dancing with the mop named Leonardo. He has long beautiful blond dreads and a lengthy and skinny body. A much better dancer than my own husband! Well, at least I thought until I got caught up in the moment, and ended up kissing those water drenched dirty mop threads that I had just finished using in the bathroom. Ick!

I finally was determined to name the sponge lying in front of me, to clean the kitchen counter with, as a popular character on a TV show. A sponge with square pants that is….but decided against it. Instead, this sponge got the name squeaky and was more of a child that could get into the small spaces that needed cleaning out that I could not reach. Not only this, but this child didn’t whine at all, and did all the work I asked of them!

Yes, I assume by now that you think I am living in a fantasy world with my cleaning appliances. Is it a rut? Perhaps, but who can say that they have a woman, 3 men, and a child at their beck an call all day to help them with their cleaning? I sure can! Believe me, I would much rather make a fun game by naming and conversing with my appliances, than feel like I am in a no-win situation. I look forward to the many more conversations I will be having with my little helpers!

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